"That's just Lark," Gonou assures him. "One to two years is far more common. So. I don't have your file; no one will until you're permanently assigned. Why do you think the Admiral decided you should be an inmate?
"Do feel free to ask me personal questions as well," he adds, lightly. "If you're curious."
Or - as he clearly is - distrustful. Or simply unimpressed with Gonou's youth.
"Two years is a little more time than I was planning on investing, so if they could send me a Warden that knows how to do the job, that would be super," Erik tells him. He considers the boy for a moment. "Does the Admiral have something specific in mind for everyone?"
"I think for each inmate there's a reason," Gonou says slowly, choosing to politely ignore the slight. "Some of them more obvious than others. I'm a mass murderer, for example.
"But we've had poisoners, pirates, unethical scientists, murderous generals, bombers... I think each of us has done some harm, and has the capacity to do it again if we don't change.
"The Admiral won't answer questions about what you might need to change, so if he does have something specific in mind, you could waste more than just two years trying to guess. Better to ask yourself for the reason. You know who you are and what you've done."
"My sister and I were orphans who lived together in a small village," Gonou says, slowly: it's the first time he's tried telling this story to someone who he didn't know well enough to guess how they'd take it, and there's a hint of wariness lingering in his gaze as he speaks.
Still, although he's choosing his words with care, he doesn't hesitate.
"A -- troop of warriors came to town, from a local warlord's clan, looking for pretty young women for him. I was away from home, and our neighbors, not wanting their sisters or daughters to be hurt... let them take the girl who had no family. Except me.
"When I got home and they told me, I killed them all. Then I went after her, and killed the whole clan before I was done."
"A thousand. A respectable number. And when you discovered it was for nothing, did you kill a thousand more or did you stop?" Erik asks with interest. Maybe he knows a little something about this sort of thing.
"Well, at that point, they were almost all dead," Gonou murmurs. "And the last man I killed near gutted me. I don't know if I'd have kept going if I hadn't been injured; I came here... not long afterwards."
"I did wonder how I ever would. But in the end... I think the question of atonement was getting in my way," he murmurs, turning his hands up in a tiny sketch of a shrug. "Because there's no fair payment that anyone can truly make for a life. And even now, I'm not sure I'd be willing to pay for some of the lives I took; I do think some of them deserved to die."
Others had been genuinely innocent of all but association -- or guilty of things that did not deserve death. But there's no meaningful atonement he can make for the lives that he regrets taking, no more than there is for the lives he doesn't regret.
"Rather than atonement, I needed to learn how to become someone with a better control of my... passions."
"I didn't expect it when it happened," Gonou says, with a slight tip of his head. "Some inmates do, it seems, some don't; and some think they're ready far before they graduate.
"But none of us go to the Admiral with proof to be graduated. It seems he makes those decisions on his own. It's likely safe to assume you're being observed on some level all the time."
His tone is slightly dry on that; he certainly doesn't appreciate the idea, but he can't see any other way that the Admiral would know.
"If you're looking for a practical guide... a considerable amount of meditation, yes. A commitment to addressing my feelings rather than dwelling on them in private. Friendship and trusted mentors."
"Probably. Most of my conversations happened with my warden and others here I care for - I never went to the counseling office myself. Kiryu is trustworthy, though."
He tilts his head slightly, considering Erik.
"But, again... what each of us needs will be individual. Necessarily. It's very annoying, but there's no one way to be better."
"That's convenient for you, though, isn't it? Wardens don't have to actually be any good at graduating inmates. If it doesn't work out, nobody blames you," Erik points out. "And you're not the ones trapped by it. It doesn't seem like there's much incentive at all to take Warden's duties seriously."
"Purely out of curiosity, but -- you haven't answered me yet about what you think brings you here," Gonou says, just as light. "Or were you hoping if you tried to make me defend myself, I'd forget? You're the one who needs to graduate to avoid being, as you note, trapped.
"I don't even have a deal. I'm just very competitive."
“Finally: something that bodes well for me.” Erik shrugs expansively and leans back in his chair. “My sins are numerous and varied. Murder, terrorism - if you take the side of the oppressive state I acted against - theft of government property… oh and one time I sent a video cassette back to the shop without rewinding it.”
"That is shocking. Imagine, the inconvenience to the next person who rents it."
Gonou casts Erik a dry glance, and settles down at last on the chair across from him, crossing his legs and folding his hands neatly on his uppermost knee.
"Why? -- Ah, the murder and terrorism, not the video cassette."
“That’s what most so-called ‘authorities’ object the most to,” he concedes. “But I’m not sorry for protecting my people from oppression and genocide. I’ve seen it before; I know what it looks like, the start of that. Not on my watch.”
"I don't have much room to complain on the matter of murder," Gonou points out, dryly. "But I don't think it's unreasonable to try to protect your people, either.
"It does lead to the question of 'what was the threat,' I suppose. And of just how much violence was necessary to protect them."
“The threat was the levers of the state turned on innocent men, women and children for the way they were born. How much violence do you reckon is necessary to deal with that?” Erik asks.
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"Do feel free to ask me personal questions as well," he adds, lightly. "If you're curious."
Or - as he clearly is - distrustful. Or simply unimpressed with Gonou's youth.
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"But we've had poisoners, pirates, unethical scientists, murderous generals, bombers... I think each of us has done some harm, and has the capacity to do it again if we don't change.
"The Admiral won't answer questions about what you might need to change, so if he does have something specific in mind, you could waste more than just two years trying to guess. Better to ask yourself for the reason. You know who you are and what you've done."
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cw kidnapping, allusion to sexual assault
Still, although he's choosing his words with care, he doesn't hesitate.
"A -- troop of warriors came to town, from a local warlord's clan, looking for pretty young women for him. I was away from home, and our neighbors, not wanting their sisters or daughters to be hurt... let them take the girl who had no family. Except me.
"When I got home and they told me, I killed them all. Then I went after her, and killed the whole clan before I was done."
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He's meeting Erik's gaze evenly; it's an effort to keep his voice from skewing challenging or defensive, but he's doing his best.
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He shrugs. "So: that was my crime."
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"And how did you atone for such a wide-ranging crime of passion?" he asks.
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Others had been genuinely innocent of all but association -- or guilty of things that did not deserve death. But there's no meaningful atonement he can make for the lives that he regrets taking, no more than there is for the lives he doesn't regret.
"Rather than atonement, I needed to learn how to become someone with a better control of my... passions."
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"But none of us go to the Admiral with proof to be graduated. It seems he makes those decisions on his own. It's likely safe to assume you're being observed on some level all the time."
His tone is slightly dry on that; he certainly doesn't appreciate the idea, but he can't see any other way that the Admiral would know.
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He meets Erik's gaze, absolutely deadpan.
"And knitting. I haven't tried crochet."
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He tilts his head slightly, considering Erik.
"But, again... what each of us needs will be individual. Necessarily. It's very annoying, but there's no one way to be better."
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"I don't even have a deal. I'm just very competitive."
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Gonou casts Erik a dry glance, and settles down at last on the chair across from him, crossing his legs and folding his hands neatly on his uppermost knee.
"Why? -- Ah, the murder and terrorism, not the video cassette."
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“That’s what most so-called ‘authorities’ object the most to,” he concedes. “But I’m not sorry for protecting my people from oppression and genocide. I’ve seen it before; I know what it looks like, the start of that. Not on my watch.”
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"It does lead to the question of 'what was the threat,' I suppose. And of just how much violence was necessary to protect them."
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